Not a lot of time left to go before the Eurovision 2008 (kicking off in 75 minutes at the time of publication! better get dressed). The mission: skim through today's competition on the www.eurovision.tv webpage and find the best and the worst. The good I'll talk in detail, the bad I'll mock and the dull I'll just skip before finishing the video. We're on a tight time leash!
(This serves as a good guide to plan your evening and your toilet breaks. You're better off spending more time in the loo and the kitchen than the actual TV room.
Zauvijek Volim Te
SKIP: how unoriginal and average
The Fire In Your Eyes
Massive lungs on that boy, but doesn't stand out as something memorable. After the show I noticed Dana International's creator credits. You needed to put the boy in his glam gear to win this, hun.
Wow, an attention-grabber. You know the feeling when you hear a very bad joke that you just don't get? Exactly.
A Century Of Love
Now this is better. A cute song, a colourful voice performance, and an intimate yet memorable arrangement on stage. Singing on the couch, the girl and the sax player, the orange-purple combo. Her english intonation may be a tad bad, but it's bjork bad (as in, it actually adds to the mystique of the song). TAG
05 San Marino
SKIP: the tune may be a bit endearing but the way it's set up on stage reminds too much of a garage band. Did they really need the band-aid flitting about amongst them?
EEK. Makes me want to climb a mountain and milk a cow (hey, what a coincidence, there's one on stage now!). Appreciable effort and the co-- lady's got range and good looks but picked the entirely wrong song (AND DRESS!).
Elnur & Samir
Day After Day
Good vs Evil, Angels vs Demons, Day After Day, Gay & Even Gayer. Good effort and concept... for a Broadway rock musical, not Eurovision. Just pleast stop screeching in my ear! My straight friends kept drooling at the hell's bitches during the entire thing, so they at least did something right I guess.
Vrag Naj Vzame
Very impressive cyber-goth intro. Pity that as soon as the rickety prison starts turning it all goes apeshit. The cloak reveals a wardrobe apocalypse underneath (LIME?), the much-promising gimp boys are wandering aimlessly on stage (on skateboards?) and the choreography is an 80s nightmare. PASS
Hold On Be Strong
Oh, honey this is so wrong, wrong, wrong. A black silk dress and a fan don't a Eurovision performance make. I'm sure the trio of back-up singers looking exactly like the lead only taller slimmer and more beautiful) towering around her in the finakle didn't help matters. PASS
BARBIE alert - with teeth! When the song is this mediocre, you just have to... SKIP.
Dustin the Turkey
Irelande Douze Pointe
Oh. My... A singing DJ turkey and his hungry husky diva friend. He'd better hope they win, or it's Thanksgiving feast for the leprechauns! Surely the camp favourite, I can appreciate the lyrics and catchy satire... but! they included every country except from Greece? TRAVESTY. Let's throw stones. (the song doesn't seem to translate well on stage as in the video, the muppet simply gets lost in all the ruckus)
Abba called... you know how that goes. And the rest of the 60s are on call-waiting. Die Die Die. SKIP for sanity's sake.
13 Bosnia & Herzegovina
Oh, DIGGIN' this! It all clicks in the performance: the Bride parade, the unstable lead singer, the LOVE laundry line, and the general concept of 'Escapees from Tim Burton's acid trip'. Their energy saves an otherwise unremarkable melody.
It's scary how easily this could have been a Greek hit in a trashy Athens live music club. The boob-shake, the hips-shake, the arm wave, the choreographies, the beat. I'll give it a chance just because of how bad everything else is tonight. One not ethough... that dress? Burn it girlfriend, you need something sparkly for this one.
15 The Netherlands
Your Heart Belongs To Me
What a half-thought stereotype eurovision entry. Is the singer really a transexual or simply mannish? Take my problems on the last song and multiply by 10... SKIP quickly.
Missä Miehet Ratsastaa
Just because Lordi won that once (probably rightfully so at the time), doesn't mean we're now abiding these strings of cheap amalgams of pop and metal... Take your business elsewhere, gentlemen, and put a shirt on, outside of a rock concert that just looks presumptious. PASS
Nico & Vlad
Pe-o Margine De Lume
Ballad alert! Abort! Abort! Oh wait-- it turns sassy half-way through? What is this, the Disney channel? Take your business elsewhere, ladies. PASS
It's Dima again?? --and he's doing an Anna Vissi wipe job on the dirty stage with his whiteroos. The opening performance is strong (he's good on his back, what can I say. The ice-skater (they have actual ice on stage? wacky!) doing circles around him and the violinist is brilliant. The rest of it, with the undressing, and the poseur-iffic movements and muscle flexes, until the final EEEEUCH of the finale... pity. He had a much stronger song and a breath-taking performance in Athens and still didn't go home with the prize; he really stands no chance this year with this drivel. (plus he's totally losing all the girlie votes with his stage gayness. stop touching your male dancers dude)
KALOMOIRA!!(pronounced kah-lo-meerah) Trust me, it's not Greek pride when I say she's the best of the night. don't let the piece-du-merde videoclip fool you, her live performance elevates this average pop hit into the highlight of the entire show! From the impressive opening on top of her entourage (ναι, το καβάλησε το καλάμι, σκάστε), the sexy dress, the very innovative stage bit with the giant pop-up book (''an open book'', perfect!), the dress change (you gotta have a costume change to win these things) and the Shakira-eat-your-skirt shake-shake-shake apotheosis before the end. She's become quite the little diva. Of course there's still things to complain about (what'sup with the rest of the choreography? it just goes below flat between the three peaks). Greece number 1 ;)
My final Top Five:
3. Bosnia Herzegovina