Captain Carrot and the Final Ark #1 (of 4)

Writer: Bill Morrison
Artist: Scott Shaw w/ Al Gordon

DC Comics

Captain Carrot and The Zoo Crew return in a 4-issue spoof Countdown tie-in.

Really now, DC? Captain Carrot? Was there really a high demand for this? And even so, did noone bother to proof-read this before it hit the press?

Captain Carrot is a comics parody firmly rooted in the 80s, following the proud tradition of Spider-Ham and the rest of Marvel's own crew of talking animal analogs to their heroes. (Or vice versa, I didn't really even have the inclination to Wiki these guys)

Captain Carrot is Superman analog as a Rabbit, and he's joined by Yankee Poodle, American Eagle, Fastback (a super-fast turtle) ,Pig-Iron and probably some others I forget even after two reads. The new storyline finds the team whoring themselves out -in true washout hero style- during the Sandy Ego Comic-Con, when a new threat attacks, the Salamandroid, an amphibious robot fire monster! It's followed up by silly dumbed-down fighting and some exhausting exposition; Morrison is trying to reconcile the existing Zoo Crew continuity with their recent Teen Titans cameo (where the Zoo Crew suffered through their own Identity Crisis rip-off), not realising he's falling too much into the trap of writing stories for himself only, as I doubt a lot of even the most hardcore fans really care for exact Zoo Crew continuity (never mind there's not a single editorial box directing readers to Teen Titans #30-31 where that story took place)

The funniest part of the comic is actually the cover, containing more gags than any other page of the comic. The rest of the issue simply spreads out that one central Comic-Con gag thin, garnishing it with a few chuckle-worthy Creator animalisations (Quail Simone, Giraffe Johns etc) and a whole lot of juvenile action, plot and jokes. I'd recommend picking it off the rack, chuckling at the cover and putting it back where you found it; instead why don't you spend the issue money hunting down the entire old run off the quarter bin.

The only reason I read through the issue was that I was desperate for some funny panel of the week candidates, and this seemed like the most probable candidate for one. What turned out to be the only close-to-amusing panel involved Goldie Fishman's dead body being lowered into a giant Toilet Bowl for her public funeral, and being flushed down the ocean. You can vote here.

Grade: 3/10