The U.S. Navy versus the Spaniards

REAL CONVERSATION ENGRAVING OF THE FREQUENCY OF MARITIME EMERGENCY CHANNEL 106, IN THE COAST OF FINISTERRA (GALICIA), BETWEEN SPANIARDS AND AMERICAN, IN OCTOBER 16th OF 1997

Spanish: ... This the TO-853, please deviate your course fifteen south degrees to avoid collision with us.. You approach direct toward us, distance 25 nautical miles.

American: ... We recommend that you deviate your course fifteen north degrees to avoid collision.

Spanish: Negative. We repeat, please deviate their course fifteen south degrees to avoid collision.

American: (another American voice) You're speaking to the Captain of a ship of the United States of America. We insist, deviate your course fifteen north degrees to avoid collision.

Spanish: We consider your suggestion neither feasible nor convenient, we suggest that you deviate your course fifteen south degrees to avoid to collide with us.

American: (very hot) YOU ARE SPEAKING TO CAPTAIN RICHARD JAMES HOWARD, COMMANDER OF THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, OF THE NAVY OF THE E.E.U.U., THE SECOND LARGER SHIP OF WAR OF THE AMERICAN FLEET. WE ARE ESCORTED BY TWO BATTLESHIPS, SIX DESTROYERS, FIVE CRUISERS, FOUR SUBMARINES AND NUMEROUS EMBARKATIONS OF SUPPORT. WE ARE DIRECTED TOWARDS THE WATER OF THE PERSIAN GULF TO PREPARE MILITARY MANEUVERS BEFORE AN EVENTUAL OFFENSIVE OF IRAQ. I DO NOT SUGGEST. I ORDER YOU TO DEVIATE YOUR COURSE FIFTEEN NORTH DEGREES! !!!! OTHERWISE WE WILL BE OBLIGED TO TAKE THE MEASURES THAT BE NECESSARY TO GUARANTEE THE SECURITY OF THIS SHIP AND OF THE FORCE OF THIS COALITION. YOU BELONG TO AN ALLIED COUNTRY, MEMBER OF THE NATO AND OF THIS COALITION.. PLEASE, OBEY IMMEDIATELY AND REMOVE YOURSELVES FROM OUR PATH! !!!!

Spanish: You are speaking to Juan Manuel Rooms Alcбntara. We are two people. We are escorted by our dog, our food, two beers and a canary that now this sleeping. We have the support of Chain Dial of The Coruсa and the channel 106 of maritime emergency. We can direct to no side since we speak firmly from land, we are in the lighthouse TO-853 Finisterra, off the coast of Galicia. We do not have any idea in which place we are in the ranking of Spanish lighthouses. You can take all the f***ing measures that you consider opportune to guarantee the security of your f***ng ship, which-I repeat- is headed straight towards our rocky shores. But we still insist and we suggest that the best, healthy and more recommendable solution is that you deviate your course fifteen south degrees to avoid collision....!!!!

American: ok, understood, thanks.
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Radio Music Piracy killed the Video Star

A video fairytale with a didactic core. Starring a pop queen, a thieving sorcerer, a band of trovadours, and the court Jester who couldn't keep his mouth shut.

The ingredients of this little story, in video:

Music, is quite good, 'Clocks' from Coldplay



Piracy, is of Greek origin, 'Thelo Na Se Do' (I want to see you), from Despina Vandi, 'composed' by Greece's #1 music man, Foivos



Start playing the videos, and do a bit of mixing, see if you can Spot The Difference.

This is where the Video Star, or VJ, comes in.

Guy Krief is a French-Greek who has been making waves with his part off-beat, part brain-dead way of presenting a music show, on Greek TV's #1 (or is that 'only'?) music channel, MAD TV. Last week, he decided to push his luck, by commenting on the newly released Foivos song, and presenting a mix clip comparing it to Coldplay.



The Kill? That came after the show's end, with Foivos and the company Heaven, 'allegedly', calling in the station, causing havoc and giving Guy the ax for his (=their) sins. Guy's show Ninja TV was never seen again and the young VJ (the second most popular presenter on the station after the actual manager) was laid off.

After this, feel free to make your own conclusions; I'm feeling too happy this morning to get into Freedom of Expression, Media Hypocrisy and Survival of the Most Profitable.
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Survivor China s15e01

Retro-dated post to retro-kick off LYSAD's Survivor coverage.

This is Chicken,



we'll obsess more over him later on in the story

Introducing our tribes:




Yellow Zhan Hu Tribe

Bionic Woman Ashlee, from the WWF wrestling arena
Power-Woman Sherea
Wicked Witch of the East, P.G.
Chicken
Monkey-Boy Frosti
Virgin Erik
Not-So Virgin Jamie
Leader Dave, a former model




Red Fei-Long Tribe

Rat-a-Twink Todd
Background Amanda
Momma Leslie, the Uber-Christian
Leader Aaron
Courtney, the Anorexic Waitress
Gravedigger James, the Juggernaut
Denise the Ogre, a lunch lady
Jean-Robert, the Poker Man


Early favourites:

Rat-a-Twink Todd: Jean-Robert is right, he is clever, and he's bound to cause a lot of conspiracies, which we love. Plus, he looks like a hairless Hobbit next to the Poker Man.



Bionic Woman Ashlee: she dares the jungle with piercings, bleach hair and platforms.

Monkey Boy Frosti: the living cartoon

but most of all:



Steve 'Chicken' Morris, a chicken farmer. Because we love daddy bears, cowboys, Brokeback Mountain and Santa. And he's all that.

A chicken farmer, calling himself Chicken. Come on, appreciate!

And of course he gets voted off first, quite unfairly so, as well. Take out your PG voodoo dolls, we need to get a-pinching.


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Captain Carrot and the Final Ark #1 (of 4)

Writer: Bill Morrison
Artist: Scott Shaw w/ Al Gordon

DC Comics

Captain Carrot and The Zoo Crew return in a 4-issue spoof Countdown tie-in.

Really now, DC? Captain Carrot? Was there really a high demand for this? And even so, did noone bother to proof-read this before it hit the press?

Captain Carrot is a comics parody firmly rooted in the 80s, following the proud tradition of Spider-Ham and the rest of Marvel's own crew of talking animal analogs to their heroes. (Or vice versa, I didn't really even have the inclination to Wiki these guys)

Captain Carrot is Superman analog as a Rabbit, and he's joined by Yankee Poodle, American Eagle, Fastback (a super-fast turtle) ,Pig-Iron and probably some others I forget even after two reads. The new storyline finds the team whoring themselves out -in true washout hero style- during the Sandy Ego Comic-Con, when a new threat attacks, the Salamandroid, an amphibious robot fire monster! It's followed up by silly dumbed-down fighting and some exhausting exposition; Morrison is trying to reconcile the existing Zoo Crew continuity with their recent Teen Titans cameo (where the Zoo Crew suffered through their own Identity Crisis rip-off), not realising he's falling too much into the trap of writing stories for himself only, as I doubt a lot of even the most hardcore fans really care for exact Zoo Crew continuity (never mind there's not a single editorial box directing readers to Teen Titans #30-31 where that story took place)

The funniest part of the comic is actually the cover, containing more gags than any other page of the comic. The rest of the issue simply spreads out that one central Comic-Con gag thin, garnishing it with a few chuckle-worthy Creator animalisations (Quail Simone, Giraffe Johns etc) and a whole lot of juvenile action, plot and jokes. I'd recommend picking it off the rack, chuckling at the cover and putting it back where you found it; instead why don't you spend the issue money hunting down the entire old run off the quarter bin.

The only reason I read through the issue was that I was desperate for some funny panel of the week candidates, and this seemed like the most probable candidate for one. What turned out to be the only close-to-amusing panel involved Goldie Fishman's dead body being lowered into a giant Toilet Bowl for her public funeral, and being flushed down the ocean. You can vote here.

Grade: 3/10

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Vote for Panel of the Week 17.10.07

Each week I'll be posting the 3-4 most memorable panels from the week and putting them up for a public week-long vote. The winning panels gets posted on the sidebar and earns boasting privileges over lesser panels...

Last week gassy WW1 Wolverine caught a very narrow win over Joss Whedon's space frolics.

This week is even quieter, with few standout panels. Where has the funny gone?

CoolWebPoll

Panel A

Dinah Lance: Blonde Bimbo (Green Arrow/Black Canary #1)

Panel B

Get it? He's a teen cyborg (Runaways #28)

Panel C

Goldie Fishman's Funeral Service (Captain Carrot and the Final Ark #1)
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American Virgin ends

Another great comics bites the dust.

It will of course be missed, although this isn't such shocking news to me, as I explained here

Two things to take from Steve Seagle's 'eulogy' of the title.

1. This reply, epitomizing the heart of the title very succinctly (something i had difficulty doing in my own review)

American Virgin' is an ongoing book, which means it goes on as long as people are into reading about interesting, obtuse, offensive, and just plain out-there sexual practices going on around the globe. It goes on as long as people are intrigued by how a conservative Christian responds to the kind of stimuli he's been sheltered from his whole life. It goes on as long as people are hooked into our road-adventure-revenge story. As long as they are, I have stories to tell about Adam Chamberlain, because it's the balance between oath and temptation that this book is actually examining, and not just sexual temptation.

2. This sneaky critical quote at the top of the page:

“American Virgin is one of the most enjoyable monthly reads from Vertigo. Adam is a very intense and controversial character, and the writer doesn’t waste any chances to really push his beliefs and convictions to the breaking limit.” – Insidepulse.com

from yours trully, and my earlier review of #18.
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...and I'm back

What do you mean you didn't know I had left?

Oh, right.

Apologies for the lack of updating, but spent Friday to Sunday at the excellent BICS (Birmingham International Comics Show).

Don't worry you will hear all about it throughout the week, as I start posting links, photos, coverage and hot gossip!

In the meantime, my pillow beckons.
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Vote for Panel of the Week 10.10.07

Each week I'll be posting the 3-4 most memorable panels from the week and putting them up for a public week-long vote. The winning panels gets posted on the sidebar and earns boasting privileges over lesser panels...

Last week Darth Homer's D'OHHH was heard through space, gathering 52% of your votes!

The week didn't provide too many laughs, apart from the hilariously bad Action Comics and Wolverine. But once more, you are the judge! (Disclaimer: we wouldn't want Master Whedon to be mired because of the company he keeps this week, DHP#3 was excellent as usual)

CoolWebPoll

PANEL ABizarro Panels Always Am Boring (Action Comics #856)

Panel B
Dude, Where's My Earth? (Dark Horse Presents #3)

Panel C
Silent But Deadly (Wolverine #58)

Panel D:
It's funny because it's not, really (Wolverine #58)
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WSAD: The Goonies sequel

WSAD (World Sean Astin Day) continues with news of a sequel to the sexy actor's first famous feature, the Goonies!

“Steven [Spielberg] and Dick [Donner] and all the powers that be … they really feel like the thing that made the movie strong was that it was about kids, so they really want to make the next movie about kids…the next generation of Goonies. And they’ve had a hard time tackling that.”

Like Feldman, Astin sees the passing of the torch concept to be a logical progression for the franchise. “I have three children,” he said, “and Corey’s got a kid now [too]. So as we now all have kids who are coming into the age that we were when we made the movie, it’s more likely to me that they’ll figure out how to design a story that will satisfy the older audience in terms of connecting with the original 1985 Goonies, and then [also] create this new thing.”

The original cast return as grown-ups, passing he torch to their kids, under the same writer and director as the classic feature. I'm still unconvinced. When has this sort of nostalgia+DVD sales sequel notion ever proven succesful? Has Bewitched taught us nothing?
Source: MTV blog
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Speaking of Sean Astin...

I declare today World Sean Astin Day (W-SAD).

How could I have been so blind all these years! I never really made the connection till I wiki'ed him today for the week's O.W. entry.

So, Sean Astin got from this cute 'aww' thing (the Goonies):


to this adorable short-pint mug (Lord of the Rings)


Ok, interesting growth, but still only cute.

Until this:


(adding fuel to my growing belief that everyone looks 10 times hotter in a beard, and that there ought to be a pro-facial hair law protecting against close shaves)

This photo has ignited an intense interest in Mr Astin's 'artistic career' here at LYSAD central. He will heretofore be in such esteemed company, as mr Seth Rogen and mr Ryan Reynolds.

Stay tuned for more as the story develops. Meanwhile:

Sexy beardiness!

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Orange Wednesdays: Sean Astin

The fourth in our regular Wednesday series of specials, starring Sean Astin, of Lord of the Ring(tone)s and Goonies fame.



If you're lucky enough not to live in the UK, you have been deprived of one of the greatest movie theater inventions since buttered pop corn:

the ORANGE FILM FUNDING COMMITTEE short clips.

These are sponsored by the Orange mobile company and feature a different actor every few months trying to pitch their movie idea to the committee, only to have them -- well, you just watch.
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Wolverine #58

Writer: Mark Guggenheim
Artist: Howard Chaykin

Marvel Comics

It's tough to review this issue while adhering to Marvel's no-spoilers rule for advance reviews.

First of all, let's make it clear, this is not a good issue. It's quite ironic as well, since this lukewarm return of Guggenheim on the writing chair was preceded by the greatest Wolverine story in recent memory, Jason Aaron's single issue, which was used as a mere fill-in.

So Wolverine is dead again. Only, not physically dead, just brain-dead. Big change. No fret, Dr Strange is on the case! And boy does Guggenheim manage to make a mess of this guest appearance; he arguably writes the worst Dr Strange in memory, complete with cliched oneliners, bad jokes and stale dialogue, especially during the meeting with Tony Stark. I've included several examples to prove my case.




Dr Strange meets the (brain)dead Logan in the afterlife bar, and shares a few drinks while drowing their sorrows in exposition. Strange reveals why Logan is able to stay alive after so many brushes with death (the most blatant being during Guggenheim's last stint on the title), and what changed now to make him a vegetable. I found the former (main) explanation completely superfluous, relating to a random battle Wolvie won back in WW1 against a surprise opponent. The latter reason for falling in the veggie state was equally unconvincing; it more or less hangs on the thin thread of believing Atlantean whatshername chick who was introduced (and killed) last issue made such an impact on Logan (more so than, say, Jean Grey, Silver Fox or Mariko, who he had each known for years) that his grief kept him from jumping back to life again.


There is strong competition for worst issue of the week, but at least Wolverine has gorgeous Howard Chaykin art going for it, along with several scenes of gratuitous full Logan nudity.

4/10



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Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man #24

Writer: J. M. Straczynski
Artist: Joe Quesada

Marvel Comics

Aunt May is dying. Peter has heard the bad news that science can't do anything to save her life, but he's not willing to let go, instead turning to the metaphysical for answers. Peter knocks on Dr Strange's door for answers, but he won't like what he finds out and his desperation will lead him to an ill-advised time-travelling jump tying into an earlier cryptic scene in JMS' run.

Color me impressed. JMS had the whole thing planned for over 6 years before?

All in all, One More Day, despite expectations, doesn't suck! Spider-man's desperation is now tangible and his actions have a real emotional resonance. Better late than never.

Joe Quesada is making his big artistic come back with tihs storyline, and also deserves praise. First, for the amazing quality of the layouts and panel arrangements. Secondly for beating his track record and delivering the issues on time!

The back of the issue reprints MJ's origin along with a very detailed Handbook profile, trying to compromise the actual continuity with the various retcons throughout the years like MJ always knowing Spidey's identity, and Gwen's secret pregnancy.

7/10



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New Avengers #35

Writer: Brian Bendis
Artist: Leinil Yu

Marvel Comics

Disclaimer: the ultra-cool bad-ass alien Venom Symbiote Wolverine figure from the cover does NOT appear in the actual issue. Please kindly wait four months until Mighty Avengers catches up on the shedule.

What does happen in this issue?

The Hood finally makes his bid for the control of the NY crime underground, getting all the super-baddies together and unveiling his grand plan. Bendis has thought things through here, presenting something as preposterous as Hood becoming the new Kingpin as actually realistic. Leinil Yu impresses with his camera-action and sense of space, moving around the table following the Hood as he speaks to the gathered super-villains.

My complaints source from the shortcuts he takes to achieve it, namely using Tigra as the Hood's punching bag to up his bad-@$$ness ratings. Sure, he could beat this former Avenger, but would she really be so helpless that she wouldn't land a single claw on him; then, would a trained and tested Avenger really whimper weakly like that, and practically beg for her life?

Pathetic.

Just when I was this close to saying a good word about the disastrous New Avengers line. Better luck next month.

5/10


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New Warriors v.2 #5

Writer: Kevin Grevioux
Artist: Paco Medina

Marvel Comics

So the new New Warriors are really M-Day depowered mutant survivors donning tech-suits and new identities to stick it up to the Big Man Tony Stark. That's fine and dandy, but Kevin Grevioux is missing the point when he's dragging the revelation of the secret identities and the team's origins so far.

It's issue 5 now, one of the Warriors has just died, and I couldn't honestly even remember who she is or why I'm expected to care. At this point I don't even remember how many members they actually have, what anyone's name is or their powers.

They can't be very impressive anyhow, since they fail to fight off the Zodiac, but instead sit back and lick their wounds while a depowered ex-mutant waitress goes in alone against them. Death wish, anyone?

Paco Medina's art work is always well-suited for teen adventure books, although it clashes when the writer decides to take a sudden left into grim, bloody and gritty. I also have serious objections towards his rendition of former Morrison New X-Men graduates Beak and Angel, who became such darlings partly because of their average everyday looks and attitudes; now Beak is a muscle-bound idiot on mechanical wings, and Angel is a slim-waisted big-boobed teen bimbo instead of the chubby-assed trailer park trash we learned to love. I'm still waiting on an explanation as to why they would take up this cause when they have 5-7 young babies to raise at home, and noone to babysit for them.

As for the grade, this is probably the lowest I have gone in the last year. Bravo.

(Now please please please cancel this atrocity and erase it from continuity)

1.5/10

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Fantastic Four #550

Writer: Dwayne McDuffie
Artist: Paul Pelletier

Marvel Comics

The stakes just went from cosmic to ridiculous. The Fantastic Six (Ben, Johhny, Sue, Reed, Storm and Black Panther) are in space, running from someone towards something while fixing a whatsit. Pure cosmic adrenaline rush. Then, they start calling in their guest-stars, as no less than FOUR more Marvel Heroes are called in to help them, lest Eternity is doomed!

Yeah, the stakes are huge, on paper at least.

Unfortunately, McDuffie's script is so super-condensed that it doesn't let the plot breathe and the true scope of what is at stake isn't felt by the reader. McDuffie is obviously so excited to get a short chance at the World's Greatest Comics Magazine (TM) (before Millar/Hitch arrive), that he's willing to get out every FF story he's got in the back of his mind, while he has the chance. In the meantime, he might as well also feature every one of his favourite pet characters, like Deathlok and the now infamous Gravity. Slow down, catch your breath, mate!

Paul Pelletier has slowly climbed up the ladder to one of Marvel's worthiest artists, developing a meatier style which suits the heroic material more. I hope he moves to a similarly high-profile project next.

5/10

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